Living Through The Loss


Life is Eternal

I am standing upon the seashore.
A ship at my side spreads her white sails
to the morning breeze and starts
for the blue ocean.
She is an object of beauty and strength,
and I stand and watch her until at length,
she hangs like a speck of white cloud,
just where the sea and the sky come down
to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says,
"There! She's gone!"
Gone where? Gone from my sight-that is all.
She is just as large in mast and hull and spar
as she was when she left my side, and
just as able to bear her load of living freight
to the place of destination.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her;
and just at the moment when someone
at my side says, "There! She's gone!,"
there are other voices ready to take up
the glad shout, "There! She comes!"
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23rd December 2009

Text with 1 note

Since I figure no one is reading this anyway…….

Maybe I’ll just mention in print that I’m having a bad day.  I know they are bound to happen especially at this time of year, but they do manage to somehow just sneak up on you, even after more than 4 years or 30 or more!!!  At times like this, I guess the little girl comes out in me and I am jealous of all the happy people with whole families.  I want my daughter back, I want my Mom back, I want my Dad to be my Dad again instead of the aging, fraile stranger he has become.  I wish my son and his wife and children weren’t out of the country for the holidays.  I wish I could have some help getting ready for Christmas and that someone would share in the cooking that I have to do Christmas day in order to feed the 20 or so people coming over.  Don’t get me wrong…..I’m glad they are coming, I can’t imagine how deep into despair I would have sunk by now if it weren’t for the fact that I will have a house full of people around, I just wish, well, I wish the most for things I know are impossible.  I wish that on Friday as I am scurrying around the kitchen that I could just holler out, “Ashley, I’m ready for you to come make the ambrosia,” and magically she would appear to do so just like she always did.  I wish my mother and my grandmothers were in the kitchen with me teaching me once again how to make their special signature dishes and fussing at me for sticking my finger in their precious concoctions.  I wish my Dad was cracking funny jokes from the next room as he watched football on the TV punctuated by a trip through the kitchen with nothing more important on his mind than hugging my Mom.  I just wish we were whole again and filled with the sweet innocent bliss that only that wholeness can bring. If you are lucky enough to still have that, please treasure it for it is temporairy.  But chances are you know exactly what I am talking about. I know I’m not alone but still I am lonely.  Ya know!!!!

  1. livingthrutheloss posted this
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